


24

by Pronunciation_Hermy_One



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Aurors, Death, Fairest of the Rare's Sing Me A Rare, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 00:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18510232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pronunciation_Hermy_One/pseuds/Pronunciation_Hermy_One
Summary: Been given 24 hoursTo tie up loose endsTo make amendsWhen you know the end is near, is there nothing, or everything, left to fear?





	24

**Author's Note:**

> This has been my second opportunity to participate in Fairest of the Rare's Sing me a Rare: what an oppoortunity! I love everything about this fest and am so honored to have the opportunity to participate once again. 
> 
> Thank you to the FotR mods for facilitating this beautiful collection, and to the contributors for the incredible song options and pieces. I'm so excited to read all of the entries! 
> 
> Huge thank you to PureBloodMuggle and my sister for reading through and beta-ing this piece for me.

**24**

The wooden door closes with a heavy click and after a few moments I realize I’m staring at it still. Numb. Silence. It faintly registers that I’m smiling, no it must be a grimace, and I blink twice, the healer’s words rattling around in my head as it slides from my face.

“There’s nothing more we can do, son.”

_Been given 24 hours_   
_To tie up loose ends_   
_To make amends_

My eyes are closed when he walks back into the room. My brain is still empty, and I’m plucking at a hole in my sleeve. My robes are singed, my hair too from the smell of it. But otherwise, I feel fine.

“Do you want us to call someone?”

I shake my head, still staring at the growing hole in the sleeve of my robe. “No.”

“I’m sorry.”

My eyes snap to his. Why would he be sorry? A hazard of the job. It happens. The emotion I see in his face roils in my stomach and threatens to overwhelm me. I can feel my temperature rising.

_His eyes said it all_   
_I started to fall_

I’ve got to get out of here. I’m moving slowly, hand pressed against my side as I limp down the corridor. The mediwitch half smiles at me, pity in her eyes. I walk outside and my breath catches in my throat. The sunrise is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Exquisite: pale pinks melt into deep indigo as the moon disappears, taken over by the brilliance of the sun. I stop and watch it for a moment; my last.

It’s a funny thing, the weight of knowing when something is your last. I look around and realize it’s too silent. I’m alone. I should be sharing it, this sunrise. I should be sharing this with him.

_And the silence deafened_   
_Head spinning round_

I close my eyes and breathe, gone with a crack.

“You’re home! I was about to call the office if I hadn’t heard from you! We’ve a lot to do today. Nev flooed twice already, and I have this package he’s waiting on. Do you want to catch a shower first or should we get a move on?”

_No time to sit down_

He’s dashing around the house, piling papers into his satchel, pouring me a cup of coffee and sending it across the counter before turning back to the bedroom.

I’m smiling at the sight of him. He’s absolute heaven and I want to spend the rest of my life exploring every part of him.

But the rest of my life is ticking by in tiny increments. They’re almost gone.

“Are you ready?”

“Hm?”

“Wake up!” He’s snapping his fingers in my face. “You look a wreck. Rough night? Are you alright?”

I can’t believe my luck. I think we’re finally there, coming full circle. All the pieces have fallen into place, courage set... and I’m losing it.

Now.

My hands are fisted into his hair and I’m pulling him into me. I smile as he crashes into me with a thud, his eyes opening wide in surprise.

“Are— is everything alright?”

“Here with you now.”

He’s laughing. “So sappy. Come on, we’ve got to get to my dads.”

I swallow, my hand lingering on his cheek as he pulls away, back to the matters at hand.

“You smell like fire.”

I nod and he nods, his eyes searching mine for only a moment. He doesn’t ask. Knows I can’t usually share. “Go change. We’ve got to go.”

I stand there for a moment looking at the back of his head as he walks away.

Just wanted to

We need to talk.

I should call after him.

I open my mouth.

I’m so sorry.

I love you.

The words sound hollow in my own head. Too little. Not enough.

I close it again.

“Teddy, hurry the fuck up!”

_Run and run and run_   
_Be careful they say_

I absolutely melt when he says my name. Every time.

_Don't wish life away,_   
_Now I've one day_

Soon will be the last time.

_And I can't believe_   
_How I've been wasting my time_   
_In 24 hours they'll be_   
_Laying flowers_   
_On my life, it's over tonight_

“Teds, come on!”

“Jamie.”

I lick my lips, unsure of how to even begin.

His head peeks around the corner. Big eyes, round before he squints and my knees are weak for him. Always him.

_I'm not messing no I_   
_Need your blessing_

This is going to destroy him. And I fucking hate myself for it. I have 24 hours, I realize. Less than 24 hours... to make sure Jamie will be okay without me.

_And your promise to live free_   
_Please do it for me_

“I’m coming.” I call, knowing what I have to do.

Jamie is going to need Harry.

So, I need Harry.

 

**18**

“Took you long enough.” Harry is smiling, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he laughs under his breath. “Neville has been on pins and needles waiting for this.”

_Is there a heaven a hell_   
_And will I come back_

He takes the package from Jamie’s arms and throws an arm around his shoulder. Jamie nods his head toward me with a look and his hands raised in surrender. “Not my fault this time.”

“It needs to be planted at the right time or it won’t work! The rarest of plants. Practically a Herbology legend. It blooms once for only an hour. One year from today. It’s highly coveted. Took me a year to track down.” Neville calls over his shoulder, hurriedly unpackaging a blue, tuberous bulb. His eyes are shining gleefully as he glances at the sun. “And not a minute too soon; thank you!”

“Sorry, Neville, Harry.” I nod, walking forward to join them.

_Who can tell_   
_Now I can see_   
_What matters to me_

My feet feel heavy even as I breathe in the scent of the garden, memories assaulting me unbidden as the scent fills my senses. Neville’s garden has always been one of my favorite places. I remember playing in it as a child, the magic of being lost beneath the flowers as I lay on the ground, the sun or stars peeking through the foliage. I recall playing quidditch with Harry and Jamie, Albus and Ron on holidays, laughing as we soared overhead, Neville worrying on the sidelines for the safety of the plants below. I want to marry Jamie here. Wanted to marry Jamie.

_It's as clear as crystal_   
_The places I've been_   
_The people I've seen_   
_Plans that I made_   
_Start to fade_

I stumble as the realization hits me again. Harry grabs my arm.

“Careful there Teddy.”

“Just a root.” I mumble, rubbing my side. Soon, I too will be a memory.

Harry and Jamie head inside, Harry’s arm around his shoulder as they walk up the steps. I watch as he limps, an old injury that bothers him when rain is near. I check the sky, but it is blue with nothing but white clouds on the horizon.

“He limps all the time now.”

I turn, startled, and see that Neville is watching me closely. A red flush creeps up my neck and I take a calming breath.

“Did something happen?”

Neville laughs, standing as he gets to his feet and brushes the soil from the front of his trousers. “Age, Teddy. Age happened. Something it looks like you’re feeling today?”

His eyes are still boring into me. It was a question, not a statement, and though I’m quiet, I know he is expecting a response.

_The sun's setting gold_   
_Thought I would grow old_

Neville is standing in front of me now, and I’m still numb.

“Long night.” I sway on the spot. It’s so warm. I’m so warm.

His voice is full of concern as he reaches out to take my arm and I flinch. Can he feel the heat? “And I’ve been in love with an auror long enough to know when something happens.”

My eyes are hot and I’m staring at the ground past his left shoulder. “He’s been retired since—”

“Loved him before. Love him still, Teddy. What happened?”

I can’t find the words and as he leads me toward the bench I swallow hard.

“Teddy—”

“Why aren’t you married, Neville?” The words tumble out of my mouth before I even realize what I’m saying. I’m sorry immediately, but when I meet his eyes I don’t see anger, so I don’t take it back. He is smiling at me and then I see him glancing toward the house.

“We were both married.” He chuckles as he meets my eyes.

“I know that. I was there.” The sarcasm is unbidden but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Yes, then you understand more than most. Harry is private, always has been, due to the circumstances of his… life. I’ve simply never enjoyed being in the public eye.” He gestures to the garden with a gentle smile.

“The world wouldn’t care, Neville. People aren’t quite so close-minded anymore. No one would even notice if you and Harry made it official, publically. It’s been almost fifteen years now, anyway.”

He’s staring at me, a smirk on his face and one eyebrow raised.

I concede. “Right, for Harry Potter, they would care.”

“They care what he eats for breakfast, Teddy.”

“So, he doesn’t want to then?”

Neville shifts, scratching his chin. “Is this really what you want to talk about, Teddy?”

“I love him, Neville.”

He squints and nods as he evaluates me.

“I’m almost forty years old and it's taken us this long to get on the same page. And I finally know what I want. I know he makes me happy. I make him happy. And I want to marry him. I want to be with him forever.”

Neville laughs. “Thirty-six is hardly nearing forty. And you’re worried Harry might not approve?”

I shake my head. Nothing is coming out right. Seconds are ticking by as the minutes dissolve into hours passed. The sand is running quickly through my hourglass and soon there will be no more left. The grains are finite. What will happen then? I’d forgotten to ask. Will it be quick? Will I suffer, or just cease to exist?

_It wasn't to be_

“What would you do if you knew you were running out of time?”

“I’m nearing sixty, not one-hundred, Teddy.”

_And I can't believe_   
_How I've been wasting my time_

I’m not laughing though, and my eyes feel hot, stinging.

“Teddy, what’s going on?” His hand is on my shoulder and I feel like a little boy again, lost and afraid. Help me, please. Someone.

I open my mouth to respond, but then I hear Jamie and Harry, laughing as they approach us again.

“So, you see why I wanted to tell you in person?” They’re hugging and Jamie has picked Harry up from the ground he’s holding him so tightly. He bounds over to Neville, pulling him up from the bench beside me and hugging him tightly.

“I’m thrilled for you both. Absolutely chuffed. It’s about time!”

Neville is smiling as he stares at Harry. “You couldn’t wait then?”

“Wait? Are you kidding? I waited until today. I’ve waited nearly two decades!”

“Fourteen years is not two decades, Harry.”

“Nearly 15, and I’ve waited long enough for you to agree. I’m not waiting any longer. I’ve only a few good years left.”

“They’re all good years.” He presses a kiss to his forehead.

Jamie winks at me, smiling so wide his face looks as if it might crack... and my heart is crumbling to pieces inside my chest. His face says See? Dad will be thrilled for us, too! But there is no will. There’s no future. There’s only now. And it’s almost gone.

“When?” I ask. I’m trying to smile. I should have congratulated them first. But I need to know when. This future holds so much and I’m missing it all.

_In 18 hours they'll be_   
_Laying flowers_   
_On my life, it's over tonight_

“Summer. We thought summer would be nice. Just the family, here in the garden. No big affair. Unless you count Neville’s bloom.” His eyes are twinkling as he inclined his head toward the newly planted flower bed.

Jamie smiles at me knowingly and I can barely breathe. I won’t be here this summer. I won’t be here for Jamie, Harry or Neville. I won’t be here for anyone.

“The garden is perfect.” I wrap Harry in my arms, hugging him tightly. “I’m so happy for you, Harry. So happy for you both.”

How do I tell them now? Ruin this moment? How do I make sure Jamie is taken care of when I’m gone?

Harry is pulling back and staring at me. “You’re not happy.”

I’m blinking furiously, etching a smile onto my face as I shake my head. “Harry, I couldn’t be happier for you. You should have done this a long time ago. You never know what the future holds. The garden is perfect. Neville and you— it’s perfect.”

Jamie’s hand is on my shoulder. “Teddy?”

I nod, wrapping my arm around him and he smiles hesitantly. “Are you… upset they’re choosing the garden?”

I laugh, choking on my tears. “No!”

“Because— because I know you had dreams of—”

Harry is staring at us, a look of wonder dawning on his face and I laugh again, a bitter sound, at his naïveté. “Did you— Teddy? Jamie? Are you…”

_I'm not messing no I_   
_Need your blessing_

Jamie is smiling fully now. It’s one of my favorite things about him. Jamie commits to whatever he’s doing with his whole heart. He has since he was a child. At the moment, he’s smiling, and as the joy radiates from his face, I attempt to memorize every inch of it. I want that to be the last thing I see. The last memory I have. Jamie, beaming as he holds my hand tightly in his own. Jamie, bouncing on the balls of his feet with unbridled glee. Glee about me. About us.

I nod at Jamie, squeezing his hand in confirmation. Yes.

“We’ve only not said something because, well because you and Neville were so private. I just didn’t think you’d want it known, since you weren’t yourself, and--”

Harry is shaking his head, his shoulders droop. “I’m so sorry I ever gave you that impression. Oh, James. That wasn’t… it wasn’t what we intended at all.”

“I’m not mad, dad. I understood.”

“But there was nothing to understand. It wasn’t--”

“Harry, we weren’t ready for what it all meant either.”

Jamie snorts and quirks an eyebrow in my direction.

“I wasn’t ready.” I amend.

“Because of me… of us?” Harry looks as though he’s been punched in the stomach.

“Not entirely.”

I’m tired.

I want to sit.

_And your promise to live free_   
_Please do it for me_

“Teddy imagined the garden. Us. He and I. Here. Under the moon ”

“It’s obviously a perfect choice then.” I try to chuckle but it sounds like I’m choking, so I gesture around us.

Neville has been particularly quiet, but he catches my eye as he takes hold of Harry’s hand.

“I’m honored, Teddy. We would be honored.”

“Have you set a date then?” Harry’s question is laced with excitement and I resist the urge to roll my eyes, he’s so much like Jamie sometimes. Or rather, Jamie is like him.

“Well, I have--”

“We’re here to celebrate you and Neville today.” I interrupt and Jamie stops talking before nodding in agreement.

Neville is still staring at me and I feel my stomach twist under his gaze. “A general announcement is about all we had planned. Not much of a celebration.”

“Then we’ll have one!” Jamie is easily excitable. It’s another of his qualities I’m madly in love with. “Maybe next month? A big party! Or, did you want to keep it quiet? Just family and friends? Or--”

“Let’s celebrate today.” I’ve spoken before I realized it again. I keep doing that.

“Today?” Jamie blinks.

“Yeah,” I shrug. “Just the four of us. Let’s… celebrate.”

“What do you propose, Teddy?” Neville’s voice is soft on the breeze and I meet his eyes. Don’t ask, Neville. I know what you’re doing. Don’t ask me. Please.

“Today. If you could do anything, what would it be?”

“I’ve already won today.” Neville chuckles, bringing Harry’s knuckles to his lips briefly. “This one’s agreed to let me make an honest man out of him--”

“I never said no!” Harry protests indignantly.

“-- and my bulb is in the ground. It’ll be ready by the wedding.”

“Then you, Harry?” I turn to him.

“I’ve got everything I want. My son, my god son, Neville, all here by my side. Hard to want much more.”

I’m getting desperate. The day can’t be over. I’m not ready. There has to be something left. Something more.

“Weren’t you just saying you wished we could play a game again, like the old days when we were young, Harry?” Neville can sense it on me. I don’t know if I’m afraid or grateful and so I avoid his gaze.

Harry scratches his chin. “It was more reminiscing than desire, but--”

“Quidditch!” I latch onto the idea eagerly. Jamie is always up for a game, and I know he’ll commit. But he’s staring at me from the corner of his eye and I wonder what could be stopping him.

“It was more a party I had in mind.”

“You don’t want to play with us?” I blink.

“Of course I do. But, you’re not usually so…” he trails off.

I shrug. “Well, now I am so… What do you say?”

 

**13**

He nods, throwing an arm around my shoulder and kissing my temple. “I don’t know what’s going on with you today, old man. But whatever it is that’s breathed new life into you… I’ll take it.”

_In 13 hours they'll be_   
_Laying flowers_   
_On my life, it's over tonight_

It’s a brutal choice of words and I grimace, my insides melting and twisting into one another as the weight of his words settles into my chest. How many times have I said no when yes would have been so easy? How many opportunities have I missed to play, to enjoy life, to give Jamie exactly what he wants? I’m overwhelmed with self loathing and pull him close. “We have now. Let’s not waste it. Don’t ever waste it, Jamie.”

_I'm not messing no I_   
_Need your blessing_   
_And your promise to live free_   
_Please do it for me_

We’re tromping back into the house, Jamie securing a change of clothes for us, Harry and Neville to change. I follow behind, my stride is heavy and my pace slow as I watch them ascend the steps. They’re teasing one another. Harry is threatening to kick his arse all over the garden and Jamie swears he’ll hide his glasses. I’ll miss the banter. Their banter.

I stop then, thinking. Will I actually miss anything? Will I know? What will death be like? What is the afterlife? I’ve spent the last eighteen years working as an auror. I lost both my parents in the war. I was practically raised by Harry and my grandma. When Ginny passed, I was there with Harry and Jamie. I’m no stranger to death, yet somehow it had always seemed so far away. I didn’t imagine it would come for me so soon, but I can feel my temperature steadily rising. I thought I’d had more time to prepare.

“You’re scaring me a bit, Teddy.”

I jump and whirl around to stare at Neville.

“You’re never caught off guard. What the hell is going on?”

“Nothing.” I don’t know why I don’t tell him. I still don’t believe it. Don’t want to believe it. Why am I lying? I’m lying to the closest family I have with only hours to tell them how I feel. How much I love them.

“You’re lying. I’ve seen this look on Harry before. What happened last night, Teddy?”

Tell him. I can tell him. I should tell him. Neville will take care of them. He’ll take care of Jamie and Harry. Isn’t that what Harry always says? In the last, most desperate hour, Neville rises to the call. Always.

“Neville, I love you. I love Harry. I-- I love Jamie so much it hurts. You know that, right?”

“What sort of trouble are you in,Teddy?” His voice is calm, but I can see the rising panic in his eyes.

“I don’t have enough time.”

“Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. We can tell Harry. Or, I can try to help you. Think about how lucky you are? Harry Potter on your side. Don’t tell him I said that, he’ll be so annoyed.” He chuckles, reaching out to place his hand on my arm.

“No. No one can--” I’m cut off as a quidditch jersey slaps me in the face and Jamie bounds past me shouting. “What’s the hold up? Hurry up or dad and I will fly against you two and then you’ll certainly lose!”

I’ve lost my nerve and pull it over my head as I follow Jamie and Harry back out to the garden. I can feel Neville staring at me as he follows me out, and stare resolutely ahead, avoiding him.

“There aren’t nearly enough of us.” I point between the four of us as Jamie tosses me a broom.

“It’s fine, we’ve done before. A chaser and a keeper. Dad’s eyes aren’t good enough to seek anyway.”

Harry makes an indignant noise in the back of his throat as Jamie kicks off into the air out of reach. I smile despite myself.

The air whips through my hair and I feel a sense of lightness overtake me. The scent of the breeze fills my nose and I’m grinning, truly grinning, as Neville kicks off and joins us in the air.

“Alright, Dad, you take Teddy. I’ll take Neville.”

“That hardly seems fair.” Neville glances at the flower bed below and back to us with a worried expression.

“You think it’d be best to play dad and I against the two of you?” Jamie sounds incredulous. Prat.

I’m a fairly decent player. But really, I’ve nothing on Harry or Jamie, and we all know it. Neville plays because Harry loves it. But, when the entire family is there, after the second to last player is chosen… that’s when Neville is assigned a team.

I’m not interested in winning today, though. I just want to see them happy. I want to hear Harry laugh and watch Jamie smile at me. I want to know that we had this day together. One last day of happiness before I’m gone.

“Neville and I can play together.” I offer.

“We’ll crush you!”

“Such confidence.” Neville scoffs and I throw my head back, laughing. The air feels incredible and I’m so light, I could fly away into the mid afternoon sky. I wouldn’t mind being dead, then. Not if it felt like flying.

_I'm not alone, I sense it, I sense it_   
_All that I said, I meant it, I meant it_

We play for hours and I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more peaceful. There’s a score, Harry and Jamie keep shouting it triumphantly, but I haven’t the slightest idea what it might be. I see them soaring through the sky and I can taste the freedom they’re luxuriating in. I could watch Jamie play all day. I have before. I never get tired of it. Of him.

Harry hasn’t looked so alive in years. He’s practically alight as he speeds from one side of the garden to the next. He’s laughing and flying and it’s hard to imagine he’s a day over thirty when he’s playing like this.

I watch Neville for awhile, once he’s given up trying to talk to me, to figure me out. He’s so in love with Harry, he can barely keep his eyes on the game. I love the way Neville looks at him, and when I glance toward Jamie, I know how he feels. I feel the same.

I’m sorry for every time I’ve told them no. That I was too tired to play or come over. I’m sorry for every time I wasn’t everything they wanted me to be. This is what I want them to remember. All of us, laughing and playing. I want to remember Jamie’s smile, and I want them to remember me like this: the wind in my hair, flying through the air with them at breakneck speeds. Neville silently worrying over his plants below. Jamie and Harry playing as if it’s the World Cup, and me… with them.

I want them to remember me.

_And I can't believe_   
_How much I've wasted my time_

 

**8**

Hours tick by as we fly. I’m aware of their passing, have given up trying to wish time would slow. The sun moves through the sky and my brain moves along, my emotions flitting from one extreme to the next. I want to settle on happiness, peace and confidence, but they’re elusive. I’m no longer shocked, but as I fly my energy wanes. Gone is the anger, but it is slowly replaced with sadness and I wait for the acceptance I know will come. It has to come. I need it or I won’t be able to leave them.

The cool breeze is heaven on my warm flesh.

The clock ticks on.

The sky seems darker than it should and the air is hot around me. My eyes feel heavy and my chest tight. My hands are beginning to shake, but I push through; I don’t want to spoil their fun. I don’t want this day to ever end.

“It’s getting late.” Neville pants, pulling up next to me. “We should head in, have a late meal.”

“I think you may just be a sore loser, love.” Harry teases as he flies by us.

My mouth tastes like metal and the air is tangy in my lungs. I’m trying to pay attention to the conversation around me, but it’s as if someone has stuffed wads of cotton in my ears.

“Yes, I’m terribly put out.” Neville shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “My pride can't handle much more. After all, I’ve a reputation to uphold.”

“Do shut up, Neville.” Harry is next to him now, leaning forward to kiss him… and I wish Jamie were with me.

“If we stop now, we’ve won!” Jamie calls teasingly.

“Whenever we stop, you’ve won.” Neville is laughing and I join in.

I need to tell them, tell them now, before it’s too late.

“That was fun.” I rasp through my laughter. Jamie’s hovering by my side, his eyes are shining and he’s nodding breathlessly.

“Most fun I’ve had in ages. What a perfect idea, dad.”

“Teddy gets the credit. Or Neville.”

The best day. Please let this be the best day.

“Better than a party.” Neville teases.

“We’ll still have a party.” Jamie retorts, ribbing me. “Teddy and I will plan it.”

We will?

“I can expect another quidditch match then?” Neville sounds exasperated, but I can hear him laughing and they’re all joining in.

I’m laughing hysterically now, so hard I can barely catch my breath. I’m doubled over clutching my side and coughing. They’re all staring at me and I know I look deranged, but I can’t stop laughing. Nothing has ever been less funny and as the tears stream down my face... I’m no longer laughing.

I can’t feel my legs any longer. I realize I’m descending slowly toward the ground now. I’m trying to keep it slow, but I’m shaking. I need my feet on the earth below me, but I can barely see it.

“What’s that?” Jamie is still above me, pointing in the distance. I look up to see, but my eyes cannot focus on whatever he’s pointing at.

“Looks like an owl.” Neville calls.

I close my eyes for just a moment as the world begins to spin around me. I just need to get to the ground, avoiding Neville’s plant beds. I know that’s important to him, so I focus on it.

“Ministry owl.” I hear Harry call as tiny lights flicker before my eyes. “Looks like auror delivery…,” his voice trails off and I don’t know if he’s finished speaking or if I simply can no longer hear him.

“Harry, that looks like a condolence owl…” Neville’s voice is somewhere just to my right.

“Don’t open that.” I mumble, my head heavy on my own neck as it flops to the right. I can’t control it. I’m slipping sideways on my broom and I know if I can just get to the ground, I’ll be fine.

“Teddy?” Jamie’s voice is far away. I wish he were closer. I want to hold him and never let go.

“Ted!” Neville sounds closer, but I can’t find him. I can’t see any of them. My hands won’t stop shaking and my legs are quaking. I can’t keep a grip on the broom. I feel myself falling faster now and I know the ground must be coming up quickly.

The ground is hard but my fall is slowed and I wonder if it was Harry, Neville or Jamie. I can’t open my eyes to look, but within seconds there are hands and voices around me.

I hit the ground and I’m crying. It was laughter and now tears and I can’t stop. Harry is on his knees in front of me and Jamie is holding me.

“He’s burning up.”

Hands on my face.

“Was he ill?”

Warm breath on my cheek.

“Said it was a rough night.”

I’m floating.

“He wanted to tell me something earlier.”

I try to separate them out. To find Jamie’s.

“Teddy, love, open your eyes.” There he is, and I sink into the hard lines I’ve become so familiar with.

There’s an insistent hooting on my left, and I want to spare them from opening it. The darkness settles in and I’m grasping for thoughts.

“Why is the ministry sending you its condolences, Harry?” Neville’s voice is soft.

I should have told them. But fuck it all to hell. Since when is the ministry operating even faster than I can die?

“Mr. Potter. We offer you our deepest sympathies at this time. Mr. Lupin was—”

I’ve fucked up. It’s not how they should have found out. Not like this.

_In just 8 hours they'll be_   
_Laying flowers_   
_On my life, it's over_

**5**

My eyes are still closed, but I hear them all around me. My tongue is heavy and thick in my mouth. I need to do something. There’s something I’m supposed to do. But I can’t remember what.

No. It’s someone. Someone I need to talk to.

My brain feels like it’s sweating. Can it do that?

It’s so hot. I need water. Air.

I’m too hot.

“Teddy?”

My eyes open and he’s standing there. I’ve never seen him look so broken. Not since his mom… what was her name?

“Jamie.” It sounds like a croak. “Water.”

There’s a glass at my lips and he’s stone faced, but I can see his cheeks are stained, pathways of tears dried and gone.

“You should have told me.”

I nod. He’s right. I fucked up.

“You should have fucking said something, Teddy.”

“I’m sorry.” It’s a whisper, but I need to know he’s heard me. He doesn’t respond and I know I need to explain. My heart is racing in my chest. It shouldn’t be like this.

_I'm not messing no I_   
_Need your blessing_

“I wanted one last… great day. I need to know you’ll be okay.”

“I fucking won’t be okay, Teddy. Are you insane?”

“James.” I can't turn my head, but I hear Harry and know he’s behind me.

“Don’t ‘James’ me.” He says it like a bad word. “Don’t tell me what to do. Teddy wanted us to have a perfect day. You had yours. Neville had his. What about me, Dad? What about fucking me?”

He’s right. I didn’t have enough time. I didn’t make sure Jamie had what he wanted.

“What do you want?”

“Time. Time is what I want. With Teddy. More time. More you. More us.” His lips are cold against my burning flesh and I melt into him, his arms wrapping around my shoulders. I need to make this better for him. I can’t leave him like this.

“Not enough time.” I’m trying to sit up. I need him to understand. It’s so hot. Everything feels like fire.

“Save your energy.” Harry’s hand is on my cheek and I remember him holding me when I was young. Lifting me high into the air. Running with me on his back. Flying with me through the blue skies, an arm around my waist. I felt free. I felt safe. I felt invincible with Harry.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Harry interjects, but Jamie cuts him off.

“It is bloody well your fault! You should have told me. We have hours left. Hours, Teddy!”

“There are always only hours.” Neville is there now and I lock eyes with him imploringly. I need him to understand. I need Jamie to understand. Help me, Neville. Please.

“I was supposed to marry you. You are supposed to be my forever.” Jamie sounds so angry. I’ve failed him.

“You are my forever.” I need him to know this. “You always have been.”

_And your promise to live free_   
_Please do it for me_

“It hurts.” I don’t mean to say it, but it tumbles out of my mouth and I bite my tongue to keep from speaking again. They don’t need to know that. They don’t need to suffer with me.

“There has to be something.” Jamie is screaming. He’s standing up now, pacing back and forth.

I shake my head.

“There’s nothing.” Harry sounds funny, like he has a cold. I feel the heat radiating through me.

“I spoke with them, James.” Neville’s voice is soft but firm. “There is no stopping it.”

“He’s in pain!”

Jamie is in pain. I can see it in his face and it kills me. I never want to hurt him. I never wanted to cause him to feel like this. Not me.

“That is something I can help with.” Neville smiles softly at me and I see him holding a bowl.

“What is it?” Jamie is snapping at him, racing over.

“I can’t stop it. No one can. You will still die.” Neville’s voice is soft. “But, it can lessen the pain, take it away. It can bring you peace until then.”

“What is it?” James asks again.

“A miracle.” Neville shrugs. “Practically a Herbology legend. It took me a year to find, and it only works within 12 hours of planting a new bulb.”

I shake my head. No. It’s for his wedding. “Don’t waste it.”

James scoffs and takes the bowl from his hands. “Waste? I should hit you. You’ve never been a waste of anything Edward Remus Lupin.”

“Too late, anyway. I already harvested it. Boiled it down. I’m pants at potions, but... this is simple. Water and the sap.”

“Drink it.” James is pressing the bowl against my lips. “Drink it!”

It feels like a waste. A wasted miracle. A miracle wasted on me.

“Drink it. You still deserve your perfect day. We need to make it happen.”

I open my lips and the liquid swirls around my mouth. It is sweet and heady, light and fills my tongue. A coolness settles into my body, filling my muscles and penetrating my bones before creeping into my brain.

I can move.

I can breathe.

I smile.

“How long?”

“It’ll last you about eight hours.”

“What time is it?”

“You have far less than that left.”

I nod and turn to Jamie.

“What do you want?”

“No. No. Not me. What do you want?”

I shake my head. “This. You, Neville, Harry to be happy.”

“We’re not happy, Teddy. I’m not fucking happy.”

“Then to have had a part in your great day, to fill it with greatness. They got their wishes. What’s yours?”

His forehead is pressed against mine and I can feel him breathing.

“You.”

“You have me, Jamie.” I chuckle.

“All of you.”

“All of me.” I shiver in his embrace.

“Forever.”

I’m silent. I want that, too. But, it’s impossible. “What do you want, Jamie?”

“I want to marry you. In the garden. Under the moon.”

I shake my head. “That’s my dream. What is yours?”

“You, Teddy. You have been it since before… forever. You know that.”

“I can’t give you forever.”

“Your forever—”

“— is hours.” I cut him off. How could anyone think this was a good idea?

“Harry,” I turn to him pleadingly. “Tell him this is a terrible idea!”

Jamie’s eyes are fiery and his jaw is set. Harry is looking at me intently. He loves me.

“No. No, I don’t want—”

“—to marry me?” Jamie scoffs and I know he’s calling my bluff.

“To leave you! I don’t want to leave you! I don’t want to marry you and leave you a widower in the same day, the same hour!”

“Well, you asked what I want. Who cares what you want?” Jamie’s voice is harsh but I see him smirking.

I open and close my mouth. This isn’t right. This isn’t…

“Please, Teddy.” His eyes are wide, round. And I want to see that smile again.

“I want you happy.”

“Then make me happy, Teddy.”

_In just 1 hour they'll be_   
_Laying flowers_   
_On my life, it's over tonight_

Harry’s hand is on my shoulder and he’s drawing me into a hug. “You have always been a son to me. You know how much I love you.”

_I'm not messing no I_   
_Need your blessing_

“I need him to be okay.” I whisper in Harry’s ear. “You have to take care of him.”

He nods before releasing me. “Come on Jamie. Give him a minute.”

_And your promise to live free_

I’m alone then with Neville. Just the two of us.

“How do you feel?”

“I’m scared.” I admit. “The pain is gone, but I’m afraid.”

Neville closes his eyes and breathes.

“You have to take care of them, Neville. You have to do it for me. You’ve been taking care of Harry since you were children. In the background, on the sidelines. But I know it. He knows it. He’s always trusted you. He always said, in the final hour, you’re always there. You make it happen. Make this happen, Neville. Please. Please help me.”

“It’s not fair.” Neville is talking to the floor.

“Life. It’s never fair.” I respond. He’s right.

“I want to say I’d never let anything happen to them. But I can’t even say that about you, Teddy.”

“But here you are, still, taking the pain away. You always do what needs to be done.”

Neville is contemplating me silently. “On my word, I will do everything I can for them. For the rest of my life. I will love them for you. For both of us.”

“It’s going to be hard. Jamie is going to be angry. But, he needs to move on. He needs… I want him to be happy.”

“You are so loved. Do you know that Edward Remus Lupin? Do you have any idea how loved?”

The pain is gone. I look at Neville and then out into the garden where Harry and Jamie are holding hands, staring at the moon.

“Yes.”

“I’ll do my best.” Neville whispers, taking my hand.

“Thank you.” My voice is a whisper as we are walking toward my forever.

The pain is gone, but the ache remains, and my forever is here.

_Please do it for me_


End file.
